indispensible advice from Mrs. Edo-san
and
the entertaining evesdropping of Loose Talk
ASK MRS. EDO-SAN
Educated Answers to Tokyo's Most Oft-Asked Questions
Q: I'm a male flight attendant and I've been studying Japanese for three
years. My questions are: (1) Why do the girls who get on in Tokyo just stare
at me and giggle
when I ask them in their own language if they want a drink?
And, (2) Edo-san no shusshin wa doko desu ka?
--J.L.
- A: In answer to your first question, we Japanese women just can't resist
laughing in a suggestive way when a young foreign man speaks our language. Try
not to smile too much. Study the Aeroflot airline hostesses. Regarding the
second, tee-hee hee hee hee.
Q: Does the municipal government have any programs for conserving the Earth's
resources? I see cars scrapped for junk after five years and paper clips used
when staples would easily have sufficed. But the only thing I see being given
back to the planet are those center studs which are left off of Y5 and
Y50 coins.
--S.H.
- A: You seem somewhat confused about the city legislature's role in our
ecology, but then again so is the government. Programs such as the
oil-conservation-oriented "Don't Drive Wednesday" campaign do exist, but
officialdom generally expects the public to bear the hardships of planet
management. The most praiseworthy step in recent years was taken by the Tree
Conservation Committee, which dissolved itself in 1992 in order to save
paper.
Q: I'm a 27-year-old bachelor and I live alone. Sometimes when I run out of
toilet paper and I don't have any
clean towels I use a sock. Do you think this
could turn into a health problem?
--A.P.
- A: Considering the quality of what's used in certain third world countries,
if anything is used at all, I would not define the practice you have described
as a serious health hazard,
but it might explain why you are still a bachelor.
Send your questions to Mrs. Edo-san, c/o
Tokyo Journal, Iga Dai-ni Bldg.,
2-5-3 Shibuya, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo 150, or fax them to +81 - 3 -
3486-7341.
You can also email questions straight to Mrs. Edo-san's desk - but make sure you
state clearly in the subject line that your mail is for Mrs. Edo-san, or somone else in the
office might read it, and we wouldn't want that, now would we.
LOOSE TALK
"I'm against branding Japan as the aggressor. Japan just happened to get
involved in the war between the Europeans and the Americans."
Sakae Suehiro, Vice Chairman of the Japan War-Bereaved Families
Association
"Just what I'm doing now. Breathe in oxygen. Breathe out carbon dioxide. Eat
food . . ."
- Political commentator Ryuichiro Hosokawa, responding to a question on what
he'll be doing in the 21st century
"If he hadn't said, `This is for the master (of Aum Shinrikyo),' I might
have reacted differently."
- Hironobu Kiyohara, the captain of ANA flight 857 who abandoned his flight
plan for a lone hijacker with a sharpened screwdriver
"I wanted to raise a fuss and get some attention."
- Fumio Kutsumi, the 53-year-old hijacker of ANA 857
"It's important not to look down on yourself. AIDS is just another
malady."
- Yoshiaki Ishida, just before he died of the disease on April 21, 1995, at
age 49
"We've always won. So I don't know what to say after a loss."
- Nobuhiko Kiyohara, coach of the Nippon College of Physical Education water
polo team, when his team was finally defeated after a 376-game, 21-year winning
streak
"I want to be calm."
- Aum guru Asahara, steepling his hands and falling over on his side during an
interrogation session
"Come visit me in the governor's mansion any time. Just remember to put
on your make-up first so the guards will recognize you."
- Osaka governor Knock Yokoyama to fellow celebrity friends
"It was really rough. I couldn't go to the toilet for 15 hours."
- Shohei Kurokawa, a 71-year-old passenger aboard ANA 857, on his ordeal with
the hijacker
"Even without strong leadership, Japan moves on."
- A chef, 51, explaining why she withdrew her support from the Japan New
Party
"200 Aum guerrillas with AK47 rifles will storm the Diet, taking the
Emperor and Diet people prisoner. Asahara will be made `Holy Emperor.' The
Kasumigaseki bureaucrats and SDF troops who come will be put to death with
sarin gas. Russian commandos will land in Niigata. Japan will become a war
zone and Armageddon will begin."
- From the "Inoue Notes," written by Aum "Intelligence Minister" Yoshihiro
Inoue
"Two things changed while I was gone. My daughter grew up, leaving no place
for me in the house. And my wife started acting like I was another child for
her to look after."
-
Jun'ichi Yoshizaki, 39, after spending three years on business away from his
family
Copyright © Tokyo Journal
