TOKYO JOURNAL

indispensible advice from Mrs. Edo-san

and

the entertaining evesdropping of Loose Talk

ASK MRS. EDO-SAN

Educated Answers to Tokyo's Most Oft-Asked Questions

Hello again Tokyo! After two and a half months of life in Moscow and another week spent readjusting to my home (Greta had warned me of the Russian custom of taking a keepsake on departure, but I hadn't expected her to remove my entire dining room set!), I'm settled in again. I've missed you all and it's wonderful to be back.

The letters have been piling up. Many of you had written, "What happened to Mrs. Edo?" and "Can I have her old kimono?" Well, I'm here, and--apart from some missing furniture--in perfect form. Many of you also wondered, "Is the change of Prime Minister going to worsen life in Tokyo?" Of course not. In his Minister of Finance days, Hashimoto did so little that some people believed he had secretly moved away. I'm sure he won't disappoint us by suddenly practicing politics. Finally, a few of you wanted to say, "This place is driving me crazy. I can't stand it any more." As usual, I don't have an answer to that. But ahh, it's good to be home.

Q: Without my clothes on, I bear a strong resemblance to a sumo wrestler. I have tried exercise, dieting and even fat-reducing soap, but nothing seems to help. How can I get into shape?

A: It's time to face up to the fact that you probably already are in shape--your shape is just a round and pudgy one. Believe me, I know how it feels, but you must consider yourself lucky. At least you don't look that way with your clothes on. Wear stripes as often as possible, and avoid standing next to very thin people. Your body type may not be "in vogue," but look at Takanohana. Or Doraemon!

Q: For Valentine's Day, my wife asked me to give her something that will make her feel like a woman. I'm thinking about a mop. What do you think?

A: I'd advise against it. If your gift must be practical, at least make it romantic, too. Try a bottle of colored, scented fabric softener, or a pair of heart-shaped pot holders. Though personally I like mops, many of today's women don't. Some may respond by making you feel like a man, but for many, that could involve hitting you in the groin.

Q: The man at the station gave me a subway map and a corner of it was blank. I asked him about it and he said, "Oh, that's the mystery zone." Is there really a mystery zone? If so, what's in it?

A: There isn't one. I imagine the man did not speak your language and was trying to say something else. Though I'm at a loss to explain what.

Start sending those questions again to Mrs. Edo-San c/o Tokyo Journal, Iga Dai-ni Bldg., 2-5-3 Shibuya, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo 150, fax 3486-7341, or e-mail edosan@teleparc.infoweb.or.jp

You can also email questions straight to Mrs. Edo-san's desk - but make sure you state clearly in the subject line that your mail is for Mrs. Edo-san, or somone else in the office might read it, and we wouldn't want that, now would we.

LOOSE TALK

"It's extremely difficult for a man to see clearly enough to judge other men."
--Shigeo Nishimura, the man in charge of investigating the Monju fiasco, who jumped to his death from a 13-story Tokyo hotel on January 13

"I can't do that."
--Then-MITI Minister Ryutaro Hashimoto to USTR Mickey Kantor when Kantor suggested, "Let's talk as friends," during the auto industry negotiations last year

"I don't feel like I'm old.."
--Sue Sumai, author of the saga A River With No Bridges, on her 94th birthday

"You can't achieve perfection in the food service; 78% makes you the best in Japan."
--Chairman Kyoichi Egashira of Royal, the restaurant chain

"In this time of crisis, they put a man with no economic management experience in charge of the Ministry of Finance."
--A banker on PM Hashimoto's choice of Socialist Secretary- General Wataru Kubo for the top post at the MoF

"What will I do with all this space?"
--First Lady Kumiko Hashimoto on moving into the prime minister's residence

"I think our country did those terrible things during the Pacific War because field-grade officers had too much authority and they often had management running around in circles. Doesn't that describe the nuclear energy bureaucrats?"
--MITI official on the Monju fiasco

"It's time for big earthquakes to cause lots of damage. We've been through a time of relative seismic calm, but that's over."
--Kyoto University Physics Professor Kazuo Oike

"What with the Aum brouhaha, everyone forgot about Kobe."
--Kobe victim, commenting on the paltry Y100,000 given to families who lost someone or whose home was completely destroyed

"A big load has been taken from my shoulders."
--Tomiichi Murayama on resigning from the prime ministership

"I take back all I said about Asahara being innocent."
--Lawyer Shoji Yokoyama after being fired as the Aum guru's counsel

"If they're going to arrest me, they should do it at my lover's house

. . . or maybe at the offices of the Asahi Shimbun."
--Independent Diet-member Toshio Yamaguchi on the eve of his arrest for shady money deals

"When I was 12, my mother committed suicide because of my father's years of infidelity. It had an immeasurable effect on my life."
--Kyoko Mori, university professor and author of Shizuko's Daughter, on her motivations for writing the novel

"If they cover part of your photograph with magic marker, it kills the image . . . Japan is still a country in isolation."
--Photographer Noriaki Kano on why he's decided to move to New York

"I want to live a long time."
--Japan's first man in space, Toyohiro Akiyama, on why he moved to a Fukushima farm when he retired on December 31, 1995